Yesterday was just another typical day, but it was also of some small importance to me. There was something bittersweet, reflective, and thoughtful about the day, and yet I pushed back against them. I had thought I’d be ready to open that door when the day arrived, but I had nearly forgotten about a different door that was opening yesterday for others but not me. That sounds kind of ominous or something, but it really isn’t so terrible as that. Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of a powerlifting competition that was more disappointing than I had anticipated, and yesterday was also when registration opened for a local powerlifting competition this coming August. Yesterday could have been an emotional mess of a day, but it wasn’t.
Last year’s competition was Provincials and my eighth competition. Up until that point, my experiences in competition had been generally positive and good. While I didn’t always have direct competition, I had never lost when I did. I was only completely perfect once before, but I had always managed to achieve new personal records. Aside from minor bumps and bruises, I had managed to stay healthy and whole, but that changed last year. From early in 2017 onward, I had issues with my sacroiliac joints, which affected my training and shook up my confidence. Going into Provincials, I was finally feeling pretty decent physically but knew that my performance still wasn’t going to be my best ever. We were going to play it safe.
We did play it safe at Provincials, but things still didn’t go as planned. Something in my SI joint or back tweaked during my second squat, so our conservative numbers quickly became even more conservative. Even though I had mentally prepared for a less than competition, I was still blind-sided by the unexpected and it shook me up for a day or two. Then I remembered who I am and what I am not, and all was right inside my world once again. At least as far as my attitude and confidence!
As I look back at that Provincials competition, I sort of see it as both a beginning and an end. To me, it feels like a turning point in my training and confidence. Explaining all the ins and outs of why I feel that way would require more time and words than I have to give at this point. I was frustrated and disappointed. I had an internal meltdown. I found my footing and myself. And I thought that was the end! Now I see that it was actually a new beginning, although I didn’t know it at the time. It was a small taste of the challenges to come. A milestone marker of where I had been and how far I had come since then. I don’t look back at last year’s Provincials with the same eyes or attitude. I might not say the memory is sweet, but I wouldn’t call it bitter either.
Not being able to enter a local competition is disappointing but not crushing. I love competing, and I am definitely missing the feeling of doing the big lifts; however, I am okay with missing out. Mostly…at least 95% okay! This year will not see me competing. Recovery and healing are of much greater importance.
Now that I’ve typed it all out, I am not sure why I wasn’t keen on thinking about it yesterday. It’s not so bad, but I think I was distracted by the brain fog and tingling in the legs.