Yesterday I had another physio appointment, and the disappointment and frustration continues. Every appointment he tests my Achilles reflex, and every time there is no response from my left Achilles. I told him about the increase of pain in my back and down my left leg and the sporadic appearance of pain, numbness and tingling in my good leg. He said the concentrating of pain is good and acceptable, but the spreading of pain is not. It is important for me to get to the next step of having an appointment with a neurosurgeon.
On Monday I have an appointment with my family doctor, which I am both eager and dreading. I loathe wasting my time with a visit to my GP in any situation, since he almost never takes my concerns seriously. Shortly after my injury, my doctor declared that I hadn’t herniated a disc. I highly doubt that he’s changed his opinion; however, my physiotherapist said that he would send an email to my doctor to update him on where I am at and give his recommendations. Hopefully that helps! I’m still bringing my husband with me though, since the family doctor has always listened to my husband’s concerns.
It’s now 6 weeks since I herniated my disc. I get asked quite frequently how I’m doing. To be completely honest, I don’t know how to answer that question. As I am typing I am wincing and groaning through pain radiating from my back and down my leg. I was woken up at least three times last night by pain shooting down my leg. I joined my husband on a short trip to Costco this morning. Less than an hour of walking, shards of pain in every step. I’ve been off of prescription pain meds for two weeks, but I’m ready to ask my doctor to give me a new prescription.
Physically I feel broken. Emotionally…I feel broken. There have been a lot of tears over the past week. Physical healing seems to be coming so slowly, too slowly. The future is cloudy and uncertain, and I am stuck in limbo. I feel like I should be better, like I should be able to do more…
This is the time of year when I reflect on the past eleven months and imagine the year soon to come. Normally I would be sifting through thoughts and refining a new theme for the new year and creating some goals. This injury has weighed on me heavily, and I have not been able to turn my gaze towards the new year at all, until last night. As I lay awake and in pain last night, inspiration struck and I have found my theme for the new year. It still requires some refining before I’m ready to blog about it, but it flowed out of a comment made by a friend yesterday. Somehow the simple act of settling upon my theme has created a spark of excitement that I haven’t felt for many weeks.