As I was reflecting on a few things early this morning, I found myself scanning through some old notes and blog posts. In doing so, I realized that we are more than halfway through 2018, which made me pause to consider my theme and goals for the year. It is common for me to perform a little check up around the middle of each year, but it almost got lost in the shuffle of a year in disarray. My theme for this year is Making Lemonade, which is all about accepting the struggles and challenges placed in my path and making something positive out of them.
Over the years, my goals have been a combination of relational, physical, spiritual, and mental. Some of them have had specific numbers, like dates or weights, while other goals have been more open-ended. A few goals carry over from year to year, because not every goal can or needs to be achieved by December 31. And yet for all the fluidity in the way I set goals for myself, I found it a challenge to create goals for this year due to my state of injury and the massive cloud of uncertainty hovering over me as a result, but I managed to come up with a few. If you want to see the list in its’ entirety, you can read it here; otherwise, here is a quick recap:
- Use lemons to my advantage.
- Heal my disc.
- Get back on the powerlifting platform.
- Walk on the wild side.
Looking at that list in all its brevity could be completely nonsensical. What kind of goals are those? I guess that’s why it is a good thing to review the first half of the year and see where I’m at! So how am I doing with my challenges?
- Using lemons to my advantage is intentionally vague and broad, because you cannot always plan out how you will respond or react to a lemon in your life. Life’s lemons take us by surprise, and I think it is okay to be surprised, to feel upset or angry or confused or whatever emotion the situation evokes in us. What is of greater importance is how we deal with those emotions and the situation after that initial response. I have been embracing lemons as often as I think about them. I’ve enjoyed some really delicious lemon treats, and the bright yellow of a lemon will always catch my eye now. In terms of the more symbolic lemons in my life, I think I’m doing okay. Maybe not perfectly or to the same degree another might in my situation, yet I am looking at life with different eyes and finding reasons to be filled with joy and thankfulness.
- Healing my disc. Hmmm. I don’t know how to qualify that goal. I was quickly shown the CT scan of my disc earlier this week, so I know that the disc is still bulging and looking quite similar to how it looked in the MRI from last December. The image would suggest it isn’t healing. The ongoing pain and numbness would suggest it isn’t healing. And yet, I am not in the same place that I was at the end of last year, and that would indicate to me that healing is taking place. After a seven month leave of absence, I am now back to work. Unless I’ve been on my feet for an extended time, I can walk without limping once again. Although I still have constant pain and numbness, the intensity of it is not always as strong as it used to be. This is a goal that is not entirely within my control, because I cannot just do this or that for X number of days and all will be well again. I can control a great deal of things by doing my rehab and exercises and being mindful of my restrictions/limitations, but even my 100% compliance will not guarantee a healed disc in a specific timeline.
- Powerlifting! Oh, how I miss thee! But I am at peace with leaving that goal up on a shelf until the time is right to pull it down and dust it off. I won’t be competing this year at all. At this point in time, I’m not even looking ahead to next year.
- Walking on the wild side has been one goal that I have not thought of much over the past number of months, at least not purposefully. It’s a goal about being open to trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone. I did my own little Polar Bear Dip to start the year. I tried tempeh for the first time and purchased three packages, which have been in my freezer for a couple of weeks now, waiting for me to have the courage to do something with. To be honest, I cannot recall if I’ve done much stepping out of the comfort zone, because I barely stepped out of the house for much of the first half of the year!
- Simplifying is something I strive for on a regular basis, and I successfully removed a ton of stuff from the house in the early months of the year. Due to my injury and symptoms, my life has been rather simple by necessity more than choice. I have been able to enjoy cooking more, because the demands on my time and energy have been less. I enjoyed simple activities and a simple schedule. I have been simplifying by making smarter environmental choices, like remembering to use my cloth shopping bags and reusable straws and cups.
- Expanding is a complicated goal that might not make sense to anyone but me. It is also, in many ways, an invisible and silent goal that may not be seen in the moment and is easily overlooked in retrospect. I’m not certain I have done much with this one yet, but there is still plenty of time. And with the brain fog gone and the pain/symptoms being mostly tolerable, I have been opening myself up like a slow blooming flower.
Now that I’ve examined the past seven months, I think I’m doing okay, although I really wish I could do something more #2!