Gains & Losses

Facebook has a lovely feature which reminds you of stuff that you posted on that same date over previous years. A few days ago, as I perused my “on this day” highlights, I noticed one of my blog posts from last year. I found it rather amusing, because I had a momentary freak out that day when I stepped on the scale and realized that I was 164 pounds. The number itself didn’t bother me, but I had a competition in two months and wanted to be in the 148 pound weight class. I cut out flours and sugars initially, then cut my calorie intake by roughly 2-300 calories/day. And wine. I cut that out, too. I didn’t work at Starbucks at that time, but I was a regular customer and the baristas became well acquainted with my no fun orders for those weeks. As much as I would like to say that the entire process was difficult, the truth is that it was not as challenging as some might imagine it to be. It wasn’t always fun. I was hungry at times. I missed sipping wine. But I was focused on the task and was able to rise to the challenge in order to reach my goals. Losing 16 pounds in 8 weeks isn’t necessarily the best, but I also didn’t do anything crazy drastic, at least not until the last few days prior to weigh-in. I made weight…after stripping off my clothes!

The memory amuses me, because I’ve been reluctant to step on the scale for several weeks now but also knowing that I really should do so soon. If I were to make a guess, I think I am probably around 164 pounds again. No big deal, I know, but I’m now about 12 weeks out from competition. This is with a different association with slight variances in weight classes, so I don’t need to get down to 148 pounds again yet! My weight class maxes out at 158 pounds. My reluctance to step on the scale has been born out of dread, thinking that I was ridiculously above my weight class. That line of thinking is completely silly, but sometimes the brain just doesn’t see the numbers as they actually are. There are times when I’m squatting or benching and forget how much weight is on the bar. It might feel very heavy or light, and my thoughts will be swirling as I go through the motion, trying to remember what the weight is. I think my reaction to my perceived weight at this point in time prior to competition follows that same twisted mental process, where I forget what the numbers actually mean. I was freaking out inside over all the weight I’d have to lose to make my weight class in June, but talking about it with my coach yesterday made me realize that I’m not as far over as I feel. (Of course, until I actually step on the scale and verify my weight!) If I am accurate in thinking I’m around 164 pounds, then I’m only 6 pounds over and that can easily be dropped in a relatively short period of time. There is no need to panic yet, but I’m still somewhat afraid to step on the scale. First thing tomorrow morning…if I don’t forget as I’m getting ready for work at 4:50AM!

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