New Year: Day 1

Here we are on the first day of 2017 and I very nearly lost sight of my theme before it had barely gotten started. Powerfully Beautiful.

Although I can do it when necessary, I am not a first thing in the morning shower kind of person. I much prefer to have a bath later in the day. I’d rather go to bed fresh and clean after the day, but I often fall into the trap of procrastination and thus allow myself the bare minimum of self-care when I am feeling time constraints. I might not shave my legs for a week. I might go an extra day without washing my hair. I definitely allow my toe nail polish to “grow out” before I touch it up. And those are only the surface details! I can also go days without eating fresh vegetables. I could eat junk food every night of the week without batting an eye. I know better, of course, yet I can fall into bad habits quite easily.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that some of my self-confidence issues are only amplified by my frequent lapses in self-care. When I put off shaving my legs, for example, there is a shift in my subconscious, subtle but insidious, that tells me how undesirable and ugly I am. The sad thing is that the negative feelings don’t really make me feel inclined to correct my own behaviour, but rather it causes me to spiral further down into a depressive cycle of self-inflicted misery and insecurity.

Such were my thoughts today as I came home from work, knowing that I wanted/needed to have a bath tonight, but suddenly wavering in my decision. I had the time to bathe at my leisure, but I found myself entertaining thought so putting it off until tomorrow. I could have made that work, but I realized that my difficulties in accepting beauty within myself wasn’t helped by my propensity to ignore my own needs. Powerfully beautiful…that’s my theme for 2017, after all. Part of accepting myself involves the understanding that I bear some responsibility for the way that I see myself.

So, I had a bath tonight and shaved my legs. It seems so inconsequential, doesn’t it! While I would have had a bath or shower tomorrow anyway, it was important for me to not give in to procrastination today. Each day, in big ways and small, I need to take steps towards taking care of myself  if I want to see changes in the way that I see myself. Letting things slide is such an easy thing to do; it’s habitual and often without conscious thought. But, that needs to change and it needs to change now!

I’m so glad that I didn’t give in to procrastination tonight. I can’t guarantee that I won’t take backwards steps on this leg of the journey, but I am at least glad to have taken a forward step on the first day of the new year.

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