“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” ~ Elbert Hubbard
“There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.” ~ Josh Billings
I was invited to go to a birthday party which took place this past Sunday. I had thought that I would go, but I didn’t. I feel guilty about that decision, and yet I don’t. Welcome to the world of an introvert.
Sometimes I love getting out and being social, but I am also extremely particular about who and when and why. I had planned on going. I woke up that morning with the intention of going that evening, but my decision wavered as the day progressed. What I had thought was going to be an easy, low key day quickly became a day half-wasted with stuff yet to be done. By that time it was a no-brainer for me to decide to stay home instead.
As much as I really, truly enjoy spending time with my favourite people, most of the time I am a homebody. I had worked closing shifts the two nights prior, and I desperately wanted to just sit in the quietness of my own home. Still, I stress a bit wondering if that makes me seem uncaring. I won’t lose sleep over it, but I don’t like to disappoint, even when I do so for my own sanity.
My hope is that those who know me truly understand me. I do not always speak words in abundance, and, when I do speak, I frequently stumble over my words. I enjoy being with people I care about, but I am not the life of the party and never will be. I am the wallflower. The quiet one. The one who seems difficult to get to know…unless you are willing to wait for a relationship to blossom. I can be a great friend, I think. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am as caught up with the busyness of life as everyone else. I listen well. I think. A lot. Maybe too much sometimes. My heart is big and tender and open, if you can get past the walls.
Not everyone will get me, but I appreciate those who do. Even when I let them down.