I’m not always a perfectionist. Honestly, I’m not. The current state of my house can attest to the fact that I am more than capable of settling for less than 100 percent; however, for all the ways that I can be comfortable with sloppy and lazy, there are many areas where the perfectionist in me rears its’ head. One of those areas is my job. Even though I am fully aware that I do not know everything (yet), I tend to forget to give myself grace, understanding, and the opportunity to breathe. Today was kind of one of those days.
I slept most horribly last night, because my brain just would not shut off. What was my brain thinking about? Work. Why was it thinking about work? It’s not because I’m a workaholic; I am so not! But today (and tomorrow) are my last practice opening shifts as a shift supervisor. I had my first run at an open shift last week, so today shouldn’t have caused me as much mental anxiety as it apparently did. I laid in bed and my brain raced through steps, scenarios and procedures. When I would finally manage to fall asleep for a few minutes my dreams would continue with the work theme, then I’d wake up and the mind would race some more, keeping me awake.
All in all, I think the shift went okay today. I had my first experience with creating and submitting an order, and that was a little overwhelming at times. Although I have experience with ordering from my previous job, this process is slightly different and I’m still not comfortably familiar with this store and its routines and flow. I felt a little stressed over how long it was taking me to do the order and how confused I felt with parts of it, but my manager so wonderfully pointed out that it is okay to breathe, that this was my first time doing an order, that I am still learning and it will get better. She likes to say that I’ve got this, and I want to believe her. I know I will get it, but admittedly I do get a little frustrated that I don’t have it all together already. How silly is that! I’ve only been at this job for a month. As much as I would like to think that I should know everything by now, the reality is that my expectations are skewed by the desire to do my job well and not let anyone down. That sounds a little bit like a perfectionist, right?
And then after work I went to my chiropractic appointment feeling extremely tired and emotionally down, partly because I was just exhausted, partly because I’m fighting a cold, and partly because I’m just frustrated with these lingering aches and pains. I love my chiropractor! I might have still been exhausted when I left, but my attitude was significantly lighter and my neck felt so much better. I knew he’d appreciate the fact that my manager told me to breathe today!
After the chiropractor, my next stop was the gym. Normally I wouldn’t train today, but my trainer is hoping to go to the coast tomorrow and that means I had to train today. I don’t mind, although I probably wasn’t in ideal shape for it between the exhaustion and this cold, which for the record isn’t so bad. I’m taking colloidal silver, diffusing eucalyptus oil, and trusting that my strong immune system will get me through with minimal disruption.
1a. high bar squats to pins
45 lbs x 6, 95 x 8, 125 x 8, 145 x 2 + 130 x 6
Since I had some issues with my squat on Monday, Michael gave me the option of doing some front squats or working on technique today. I chose technique. What kind of crazy am I?! Or is that the perfectionist in me again? These were not so easy, even with such light weights. I think what made them so difficult was the slow eccentric, because I had to just lightly touch the bar to the pins before going back up. My recent squat issues have stemmed from a lack of tension, so these were really working that (and the quads!)
Then Michael changed these to Anderson squats, where I would squat down and rest the bar on the pins, releasing my tension and resetting before getting back up.
125 lbs x 0, 125 x 0, 105 x 1 + 0, 85 x 5
Well this was a lesson in humility! Michael loved it. We know each other well enough that I’m not hurt or offended by that fact that he seemed almost gleeful over discovering a weakness. I also know that the knowledge of a weakness will translate into training to address the weakness and turn it into a strength. But gosh darn it, I sure don’t like failing an exercise at the gym!
1b. incline pushups
x 2 with a 25 pound plate on my back + 4 with 10 pound plate + 4 bodyweight
x 5 with 10 lbs + 3 bodyweight
x 5 with 10 lbs + 2 bodyweight
2a. snatch grip deadlifts, with straps
115 lbs x 10, 145 x 10
move grip out just a touch wider 165 x 10, 175 x 10
Snatch grip deadlifts can be challenging, but I had far less issues with bar positioning today. I’m not sure exactly why I was able to keep the bar closer to my legs today, but I’ll take it! I may have struggled with the squats, but my deadlifts were solid today.
2b. kettlebell windmills
10kg x 9 each, 12kg x 8 each, 16kg x 8 each
The left glute tweak still seems to present a challenge with the windmills, at least when I have the kettlebell in my right hand.
3a. ab wheel x 6, x 6
I wasn’t really thrilled with either of the ab exercises Michael wanted me to do today. My abs are still super sore from Monday’s ab wheel. In fact, I had to roll off of my chiropractor’s table this afternoon rather than sitting up, and he laughed at the expression on my face when I made the mental decision to do so. Every cough and sneeze is torture. These two sets of ab wheel were brutal.
3b. hanging leg raises
x 10 with straight legs + 5 knee raises
I’m so glad that Michael didn’t ask me to do toes to bar, because I’m sure I would have only managed one, two, maybe three reps, which would not be sufficient. As it was, Michael saw the expression on my face when he told me to do five more reps as knee raises after I finished the straight legged ones. In my defense, he hadn’t mentioned an extra five reps when I started!
The one positive side effect of a good, hard training session is that I was able to consume a very hearty amount of food for diner. As I piled the food onto my plate I was a little worried that I might not be able to finish it all, but I did. I’ve also enjoyed a glass of a delicious rose. I believe that I am feeling relaxed. Tomorrow is my final opening shift with support, but I don’t have to worry about doing an order. It will be okay. I will get there. Keep breathing! And hopefully sleep will be kind tonight.