On October 27, 2015, I went for a 2.5 kilometre run. One week prior I went for another run of nearly equal distance. Before that my last real run was May 31, 2015 when I ran a 5K race and finished with a personal best 28:07 time. It has been nearly 9 months since I last went for a run, and just when I think that I no longer miss it…I do.
I first started running early in 2010. It wasn’t pretty back at the beginning, and I can’t really say that I particularly enjoyed it at the start; however, I thought it would help me lose weight and get in shape. Little by little, running became somewhat easier and I grew to enjoy it more. I remember quite distinctly the feeling as I stood at the start of my very first race, a 5K, and the instant feeling of camaraderie I felt with an unknown to me child as we both shared that this was our first race. If my memory is functioning properly, I have taken part in a total of 10 races since 2010, and I believe that four of those were 10K races. My last 10K race was my best 10K time ever…sub 60 minutes. My last 5K race was my best 5K time ever…sub 30 minutes. In 2014, I trained with the purpose of running a marathon that I never got to run, and my running life came to a nearly crashing halt at that point in time, although I did squeeze that final 5K in after that point and paid the price physically for several months.
As disappointing as it has been to take running out of the equation, I’ve been mostly okay with it. There’s just something about dealing with physical pain that makes such a decision slightly easier to swallow. Having something else to focus on, aka powerlifting, more than made up for the lack of running. I enjoy running (strange as that sounds), but I love powerlifting! If being a powerlifter means giving up running, then I’m all for it! And yet, a part of me still misses the run.
I’ve been a part of the Running Room community since the day I first tied my laces in 2010, which means that I have been receiving emails from the Running Room on an almost daily basis. In fact, I think they actually do send emails out daily, because it seems like I delete them on a daily basis. For months, I have simply deleted them without even taking a glance at what is inside. I don’t need to know. I’m not running and have no immediate plans to run. I signed up for the Resolution Run at the end of last year, as I do every year, but I didn’t even take part. My chiropractor has said that I shouldn’t run right now, and I’m taking that seriously, even though it chafes a little sometimes. Actually, he said that last year…wonder if he would say the same thing today! But you know, a part of me really doesn’t care if I can or not. I’m a powerlifter now, and I’ve accepted that running probably isn’t the best for me.
And yet, I’ve watched the Running Room emails land in my inbox every day. I have deleted them unopened every single day, always questioning why I still received them but never taking the action necessary to stop them from coming. Until now.
I just received another Running Room email, but this time I opened it. I clicked on the tab which would allow the email to be properly displayed, then I scrolled to the bottom and clicked on the link to unsubscribe from future emails. I then clicked on the button in my browser to finalize my decision. Then I let loose an audible whine and had to choke back tears.
<Get a grip, Angela! It’s just a waste of an email!>
Yeah, I swiped at tears over the end of a series of emails that would continue to be deleted without ever being read. It feels like the decision to put an end to the Running Room emails was also an acknowledgement that I will likely never run again. Now that might not be true…I don’t really know at this point in time. My chiropractor has told me that running isn’t good for me for now, but he’s never given me any indication that running might one day be on the table again.
I don’t really need useless emails cluttering up my mostly useless inbox, but I’m still grieving the loss of running, even nine months after the last run.