“And when he came to the place where the wild things are they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws till Max said “BE STILL!” and tamed them with the magic trick of staring into all their yellow eyes without blinking once and they were frightened and called him the most wild thing of all and made him king of all wild things. ‘And now,’ cried Max, ‘let the wild rumpus start!'”
I’ve always loved this book by Maurice Sendak. The part about letting the wild rumpus start played through my head, over and over, as I was out for a walk this afternoon. This was likely due to the fact that I was feeling rather grumpy and emotional. In fact, over the course of my 50 minute walk, I went from grumpy to choking back tears to focused to doubtful to determined to empowered to doubtful to choking back tears to grumpy. I had hoped that the walk would clear my head and calm the swirl of thoughts, but it really didn’t turn out that way at all. There are so many wild things inside of my head. It kind of feels like I need to be the most wild thing of all in order to tame them.
Competition is 6 days away. During my walk I realized, as this competition rapidly approaches, that there is a completely different feel to the anticipation. With each of my previous competitions, my level of nervousness has been minimal. There were goals that I wanted to reach or attempts that I felt were going to be tough, but nervousness was never a major factor. So far, I wouldn’t say that I am overly nervous about this competition, but I am definitely feeling…something. I am confident, mostly, in my ability to reach my big goal for this competition, which is likely why I am feeling the way that I am. It’s that little sliver of doubt. Of course, it could also be the visualization of reaching my goal. The fear of failing and the anticipation of success are both tugging at my emotions.
I caved Friday night and allowed some wheat back into my diet, and I allowed that to continue all the way through to lunch today. On the one hand, my tastebuds have rejoiced; however, on the other hand, I am not sure that I like the way my body has been feeling all weekend. There is no need to panic about my weight, but I sort of do feel a little afraid of my scale lately. On Friday I compared the accuracy of my scale against my coach’s scale. We had done this prior to a previous competition, so I have been operating on the assumption that my scale was 1.2 pounds heavier than the reality; however, the difference was only .75 pounds heavier on Friday. It’s really not a big deal, but I think that my subconscious feels just a wee bit stressed out about it. Trust the process!
I haven’t had quality sleep for the past four nights either. One consolation is that I am used to training later in the day on the days when I am up by 4:00 AM. I’m also used to training first thing in the morning after what is usually my best night’s sleep of the week. Regardless of how I sleep before the competition, I don’t think fatigue will be a major factor. I just get a little grumpy when sleep is elusive.
There are only two work days left in my week. I work tomorrow and Tuesday, and then I have 6 days off. They may not be the most relaxing of days, but I’m looking forward to them anyway. Mostly, I just need to stay focused and tell those wild things inside my head to be still.