I realize that I am not always the typical female. I am a sci-fi and superhero geek. I love to lift heavy weights. My hands have calluses. I’ve had my hairdryer since I was 16 and I don’t own a curling iron or any other hairstyling gadget. I am out-of-touch with fashion. My clothes are for function and comfort more than style. I hate shopping.
While, in many ways, I’ve always been more comfortable as one of the guys, I am still a girl. I do love shoes, even if I am now more comfortable in squats shoes than 4-inch heels. I love nail polish and long fingernails, even if I cannot enjoy them due to work and practicality in the gym. And, I dread entering those little cubicles that stores use for the purpose of crushing the hopes and egos of women in search of new clothes.
My dislike of the change room has been years in the making. When I was overweight, the change room was a constant source of shame, self-loathing, and despair. Since I have lost the excess weight, I have found the change rooms to be less intimidating than they used to be. Suddenly I could pick out some clothing and be pleasantly surprised to discover that the items actually fit and in sizes that were previously beyond my reach. I often also found that I actually didn’t mind how I looked in the items as I tried them on but not always. Sometimes the image reflected back to me looked lumpy and misshapen, even if the clothing actually fit me. My self-confidence has been growing and changing, too, so I can at least recognize that such negative thoughts are not necessarily true. That’s progress.
Yesterday I went to the mall to begin my Christmas shopping. As I browsed one store, I thought that I might try to find myself a new pair of blue jeans. I hate shopping so much and I am so not a clothes-horse that I have only one pair of blue jeans, and that pair is at least a couple of years old. Buying clothes can be challenging enough, but buying denim is potentially a hundred times worse.
With a bit of frustration trying to find my size from the assorted styles available, I finally selected three pairs of jeans to try on. In the change room. I hate the change room. I hate the change rooms that don’t have mirrors on the inside of the cubicles. Like this one. But the experience was not painful this time. Not really.
Two of the pairs I tried on were a skinny fit. I could put them on. They fit, but I really wasn’t wanting a pair of skinny jeans. While I do have a pair of skinny non-denim jeans, the look isn’t the best for me. My quads really stand out in skinny jeans!
The third pair of jeans were a boot cut, and they also fit and were more flattering than the skinny ones. This pair was also on sale for half the price, which meant they cost me $20. That’s perfect! The quads still feel too big for the jeans, but the boot cut at least evens things out.
I am always happy when I survive a change room or a trip to the mall, and now I have two pairs of blue jeans!
There is one exemption to my dislike of shopping…okay, maybe two. First, I could easily spend money on my Soxbox socks and tank tops from BurpeesSuck, but those are things I wear at the gym which explains that exception. Secondly, when I see something that is Star Wars, Doctor Who, or Wonder Woman related, I could very easily open my wallet. On both of these points, however, I am more than capable of keeping my desires under control. Wanting isn’t always the same as getting!