Embracing Disappointment

I think I could walk a little easier this morning than I could last night. There is such joy in the littlest of things.

I was interested to see what my training program would look like this morning, because I knew it would certainly look different from what I’ve been doing lately. Despite some silent and some not-so-silent groans, I kind of liked the change. It definitely wasn’t easy, but then again my body is sore and I’m coming down from my competition high.

1a. close grip bench press-touch and go

45 x 10, 65 x 12, 75 x 10, 85 x 12

This was the easiest thing I did all morning!

1b. hip thrusts

95 x 12, 145 x 12, 165 x 12, 185 x 12

It has been a long time since I have done hip thrusts. Even with a pad on the bar, I usually end up with bruises on my hips, but what’s the big deal about a few bruises, right? If I ever was completely without bruises, I would think there was something wrong with me!

But seriously, for not having done these in a long time and considering how sore my glutes were already, these felt rather good. The final set was a bit more of a challenge, but it wasn’t maximal. I would say that these were the second easiest thing I did all morning!

1c. inverted rows

Now I have done these with a barbell and I’ve done them using the TRX, but Michael thought it might be a good idea to do them today using the battling rope. It really works your grip, he said! Great. This might possibly have been where I groaned out-loud. Inverted rows suck when I have something decent to hold onto…

5 without legs + 5 with legs; 4 without legs + 6 with legs; 4 + 5; 4 + 4

Inverted rows still suck. Using the ropes definitely works the grip. There is nothing quite like the feeling of trying to pull your body up while your hands are sliding down the rope.

2a. military press

I’m pretty sure that I kept this groan hidden away in the depths of my soul. I didn’t even realize how much of a mental block I had towards the military press until Michael said that was what I was doing next. I tried to shrug it off, knowing that this was just training and an opportunity to work on technique and improve.

45 x 8 seemed not too bad

50 x 5  This was not a fun set. I felt little twinges all over…in my shoulder, my bicep, my oblique. Nothing was serious or real pain. I think it was just a whole lot of fatigue. I thought I was doing a decent job of keeping my elbows in the right position, but maybe I wasn’t. Michael had me do another 2 reps with better elbow position.

50 x 6 The final rep was a little tough, but the entire set felt better with my elbows in the right position.

Obviously I do have a mental block here. Michael commented on it after my second set. Something to work on…

2b. chin-ups with green band and underhand grip

x 8 was a little surprised with that

x 6

x 4 + 2 more reps with Michael giving me a little push to get all the way up

After that final set, he wanted me to do a 30 second eccentric rep. Ha! Let’s just say that my arms were toast by this point. I think I might have lasted 5-10 seconds. Now if he had me do this at the start of my session…

2c. GHD sit-ups, arms overhead on the descent

x 12 Apparently that was easy enough, because Michael gave me a 4 pound medicine ball to use for the following sets.

4 lbs x 10

4 lbs x 5 Yeah, my capacity absolutely tanked. I even dropped the ball, thinking that I might be able to do some more reps without it, but that didn’t happen. I was done.

Now that I am home, I have to admit that I am feeling sad and disappointed. My total from last weekend’s competition was enough to allow me to qualify for Nationals in February. I hadn’t expected to go, but then the seed was planted and hope began to grow. Even though I still really didn’t know if I would or could go, the possibility was exciting. I was half-way home from the gym when Michael texted to tell me that he had forgotten about the one other requirement to attend Nationals…competing or volunteering at Provincials. I haven’t done that, so I can’t go to Nationals.

Before I left the gym, Michael and I had been talking about Nationals. I had even said that if I couldn’t go that I’d be okay with it, but I sat in my driveway, reading Michael’s text over and over again, and felt the increasing weight of disappointment. Almost two hours later, I’m still feeling it. I want to drown my sorrows in something sinfully delicious and devoid of nutrition, and I might do that a bit later when I need to take my daughter to Starbucks to meet someone. I might just have a venti salted caramel mocha (half sweet because that’s just what I do) and I might actually say “YES!” when the barista asks if I want something to eat with it. If not, I still have salted caramel gelato locked away in my freezer. Or I can go to the grocery store and find something appropriate. The options are endless.

I’m not sure if I’m more upset by the fact that I can’t go or the fact that I allowed myself to think it was a possibility, because I’m fairly certain that I had previous knowledge of the requirements. It is not the end of the world that I can’t go. There are other competitions on small stages and big ones. I have much more potential, and I am not done yet. Forgive me if I can’t stop a tear or two from falling today. I’ll be okay. I will get over it. Provincials are definitely on the agenda for next year!


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