All of Me

Tomorrow is Manic Monday, which means that today is all about getting myself ready, not only for tomorrow but for Tuesday as well, since I won’t have any time tomorrow to prepare for the following day. One of the things that I had to do today was to glance through my booklet from a seminar that I took in May, so that I could give a quick run-down of the seminar to the women in my Bible study group tomorrow night, as the same seminar is being offered next month. When I was asked to share my thoughts on the seminar, I wasn’t really sure what I would have to say about it. I enjoyed the seminar, but it was also something that I’ve kind of tucked away in the background, not really doing much with what I had learned. Or so I thought.

I was flipping through pages and came across one that caused me to stop. The workbook posed the following:

The leadership quality I would like to develop more fully in myself is:

I had written that I wanted to be more authentic.

The next thing was to list some steps that I would take to develop this quality. The first thing I listed was to be more open about myself, my struggles, fears and successes, to have less walls and masks. Then I came home from the seminar, put the book away and went on with life. Until this afternoon, when I had reason to open the book again and realized that God has been at work, even though I had forgotten what I had written.

For the most part, I think, I am authentic on my blog. Okay, so maybe I don’t always pull away the mask here, but it is often easier to be more real and open on my blog than it is in real-life situations. But this summer I had two opportunities to be authentic, in quite public ways, dropped into my lap. I certainly didn’t seek them out. In fact, several months ago, I would never have even entertained those opportunities. It is easy to think that I am rather insignificant and that I don’t have the ability to be a leader, to influence others, or to be used by God, but I’ve been learning that this is far from the truth. I have heard that my TV interview has been playing on Global and not just within the confines of my city. I will likely never ever know how that interview will impact others, but it is crazy to think about how far it is going. At church today, I had more people thank me and comment on what I shared in church last week. While I might have more opportunity to receive feedback at church, I still may never truly know the how and way that my authenticity and vulnerability may impact someone else. I didn’t seek out those opportunities. My natural inclination is to run far away from such opportunities, because I tend to see those as terrifying and humiliating death traps rather than opportunities. However, despite my introverted personality and aversion to all things related to public speaking, I have found myself strangely energized and eager to share my journey. It can only be a God thing.

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