In the Spotlight

surreal: having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic

It doesn’t take very much these days to make my throat tighten and my eyes to spring a leak. Surreal does not even come close to describing the way I am experiencing life. That little interview of mine aired yesterday, and I am blown away by the response. It’s insane.

There is likely no real way of accurately measuring how many people have seen or will see that video, but so many have seen it already! One site has had over 200 views. One post has had more than 800 views. And those aren’t even posts that I have made or shared! I have friends and family and acquaintances who have seen the video, some who have gone on to share the video with their group of friends. A co-worker actually saw my interview on television last night, while another friend saw my interview at her gym on the television in a piece of equipment! How crazy, cool is that?!

It is completely crazy.

I am extremely proud of the hard work and dedication I have put into becoming who I am, but I am still someone who squirms in the spotlight. On the one hand, I appreciate the recognition, but I also feel as if this is much ado about nothing. I am just an ordinary girl. My house is a mess more often than it is clean. I hate shopping. I get stuck in a rut with meal planning. My kids are picky eaters on varying levels. I work a fast-food job where the customers sometimes drive me to the brink of crazy. I love chocolate. I hate mushrooms. I am allergic to penicillin. I am as ordinary as ordinary can be. I am an introvert. I can be very quiet and silence doesn’t frighten me. It’s not that I cannot talk; I usually just feel like I don’t really have much to contribute. It hasn’t always been easy for me to speak openly about what I think or how I feel. I’ve held a lot deep inside; however, I do think that as my self-confidence has grown so has my ability to use the voice God gave me. But I am not used to being in the spotlight.

Every time I watch the video, my eyes sting with tears and my throat constricts. I almost can’t believe that is me. I don’t know how I got through that interview without shedding a tear! I have read every single comment on the video, from my friends and family and complete strangers, and every single one warms my heart and makes me leak. Just thinking about it all makes my eyes well with tears. Is it wrong to feel as proud as I do? Even if it is wrong to feel pride in my interview, I am also incredibly humbled by it and the response to it!

Did you ever, as a child, pretend that you were someone famous, like a movie or rock star or a professional athlete? I know I certainly did. I gave up on those foolish dreams a long time ago, but here I am today feeling kind of like that little girl playing with an imaginary spotlight illuminating her for the world to see.

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