A Mental Battle

Today I feel fat and I hate it. I hate that I feel fat. I hate that I am fat.

Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating just a little bit. I am not fat, but I think that the scale is finally beginning to creep upwards. This is what I’ve been trying to achieve for the past month. This is why I increased my daily carbs and increased them again. I should be happy that the scale seems to be heading in the right direction, except that it feels so wrong.

I worked so hard to lose my excess weight, to get lean and fit. While I understand the science and logic behind gaining a handful of pounds, my mind keeps waging war with logic. My belly feels flabby and bloated and big. My clothes are a wee bit snug. My current weight is heavier than I have been for more than a year, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t alarm me just a little bit.

It’s for a purpose. I’m building muscle, getting stronger. Really. I am!

Except today I don’t wholly believe it.

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