Head-banging Frustration

Excuse me while I have a less than upbeat, positive, happy post. It’s not like I set out to be grouchy, moody, morose, but that is how the day has finished. I have been stewing for the last two hours, quieter than usual and with a face as long as my day. If I thought that banging my head against a wall would help, then I would definitely give it a go. I am fairly certain, however, that banging my head against the wall would not help, so I will express my frustration with words instead of personal violence.

On Friday we began the process of lowering the bar position on my back squats. The shoulders seemed to handle the change, and the lower position really seemed to help my form and the bar path. Over the weekend I practiced holding the lower bar position with a dowel, and my shoulders were okay. The right one did begin to experience its’ “snapping” sensation across the pec minor, but that isn’t too much of a concern really. So I went into today’s training session with the expectation that my shoulders would be okay with the lower bar position, and I could just focus on solidifying the position, feeling secure with the bar lower on my back.

1. squats

warm-up: 95 x 5, 115 x 5, 135 x 5, 155 x 1, 175 x 1 (with belt)

main event: 5 sets of 5 @ 160 with belt

I got all my reps, all my sets, but my left shoulder was not a happy camper. Some reps felt easier, some felt much tougher. The bar didn’t always feel secure on my back, but I think the bar path was generally good. Apparently I need to sit back more, which is likely just an adaptation I need to make with a lower bar position, but it is difficult to think about sitting back when it feels like I need to put every ounce of focus into keeping the bar from sliding down my back. The snappy right shoulder was perfectly fine, but the left shoulder sucks.

2A) bench press

warm-up 45 x 6, 65 x 5

main event: 5 sets of 5 @ 85 with a narrow grip

Then we dropped down to 65 pounds with a wide grip for a set of 7 reps. These actually felt pretty good. They didn’t bother my shoulder, and the only real issue was fatigue.

2B) chin ups

6 reps with the blue band, 1 rep unassisted, 5 reps with the blue band, 5 with the band, 4 with the band

3A) flies with 8 pound dumbbells: 12 reps and I think maybe 5 reps…I kind of gave up because my shoulder was quite the bother by this point

3B) TRX rows: 12

3C) ab wheel: maybe 8 before I collapsed…because of my shoulder.

So the shoulder has me biting my tongue against a flurry of colourful words. Ironically, I have an appointment with my wonderful chiropractor tomorrow. Here I thought I would be able to tell him that things were essentially good, but now I have nothing but bad news to impart. It’s a good thing he is a shoulder expert.

The timing of the shoulder pain couldn’t be worse. Well, I suppose it could be but whatever…it’s my pity party. I am feeling quite sick of food, specifically vegetables and meat. I’ve been a good girl. I’ve been eating lots of raw vegetables, but I am ready to gag on them. I love meat. I am a carnivore, but I’m ready to gag on that, too. Even when the food is delicious, I’m struggling to eat it. Healthy, good-for-me food isn’t what I’m wanting right now. I want big, bad carbs. I want French fries, poutine, bread (I haven’t had bread for a week and I am suddenly craving it!). I’m not even tempted by the salted caramel gelato in my freezer, but I just might wish to devour a bunch of salted caramel timbits. Thankfully my will power is stronger than these feelings, and I know that these feelings will eventually pass, or at least fade enough to be mere blips on the radar. Right now there is just a perfect storm swirling inside me, and it is devastating.

But I just might be eating some Toffifee right now…


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