While yesterday was an emotional train wreck of a day, today was a much easier ride.
It was bittersweet to see the Start/Finish gate for the first time on Thursday evening. Today I barely even noticed it, because I was stuck inside the large tent handing out race packages to hundreds of runners. By the time my volunteer stint was over, it was raining and I was without a jacket, so I didn’t linger any longer than necessary.
I wasn’t sure how I would feel giving out race packages this year. I enjoyed it last year, but then again I was able to run my race the next day. It went well, and I was nervous for nothing. I had a great time and was able to share a laugh with a few runners. I was even able to talk to a few people about why I was not running tomorrow…without even choking up! I didn’t merely survive the day; I thrived.
Even though I won’t be running, I was still able to pick up my own race package. I have put the bib on the side of my fridge. I want to be able to see it, to be reminded of the unreached goal. While I am a long way from even being ready to consider another marathon, I am fairly certain that I will not run a marathon. Ever!
It was a good goal. I worked hard to get myself ready for the marathon, and I was so close, close enough to know that I could have done it were it not for this hip issue. A few days ago, I was frustrated, pissed off and upset that I couldn’t reach this goal, but I don’t feel that way today. There is still a measure of disappointment, to be sure; however, I am content to let go of that goal and focus on something else. Running a marathon found its way onto my bucket list without me even realizing it, and my motivation for running a marathon was rooted in being 42 years old and running 42 kilometres. In January I will cease being 42, which doesn’t mean I couldn’t still run a marathon, but the appeal, for me, is no longer there. It was a goal for a season, and that season is over. I am okay with that.
I will continue to run…once my hip allows, but I’d really like to do more powerlifting! With a race or two thrown in for good measure. I’m already signed up for the Resolution Run 5K on New Year’s Day. I had thought that I would do the 10K at this time next year, but I think that I will do the half-marathon instead. Now that I have run a half-marathon distance (and more) during several training runs, I know how that feels. I could totally do it, and it wouldn’t be nearly as painful as a full marathon. Next Thanksgiving is a very long way off, but that’s my goal race for 2015.