Shattered Illusions

Yesterday I had illusions of grandeur. I envisioned running my 20K this morning without pain or discomfort, a smile on my face. I looked forward to being able to walk properly after my run. I thought 20K would be a piece of cake after the recent weeks of increased distance. I thought new shoes would make a huge difference. While I still think the shoes helped, I was wrong on all other counts.

Last night I had the best sleep I have had in weeks, maybe months…96%! I took a leisurely approach to my morning, setting out shortly after 9:00. The shoes felt great! The right hip, however, began hurting almost immediately. My pace was good, but the pain just kept coming. By the start of the third kilometre I couldn’t even keep my face from revealing my discomfort, and a limp began to reveal itself.

In desperation I fired off a text to my trainer asking how much I should push through the pain. I really already knew the answer; I just didn’t want to quit without hitting my target. By the time I heard back from my trainer, I was nearly finished the 7th kilometre. The response was to listen to my body to avoid injury or further dysfunction. I could finish 10K or stop immediately if the pain was more than 5/10. I probably could have stopped right then, but I decided that I could try to finish off the 10K. I really didn’t want to give up, but I’d be practically home by the time I reached the 10K point.

So I ran, limped, walked, ran, limped, and walked until I was just past 9 kilometres, and then I decided that the pain was enough to stop. I still had to walk the rest of the way home, and every step was bitter in my mouth. Frustration oozed from my pores, and anger simmered. I even slapped at a bunch of overhanging leaves as I walked under a tree. When I got home I opened up my laptop and watched a video of a young girl competing at a powerlifting competition. I bawled. Then I read a post made by someone struggling with hip pain that is affecting his squat. His post helped me put a little spin on my perspective and brought a small smile to my face. But the frustration lingers and I’ve been moping all day.

The marathon is in 4 weeks. Can I do it? Yes, I can. I will. But right now I am not happy with the lack of forward progress. It sucks.


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