My self-control is rather low today. I started the day off eating typically, and most of my day was typical of a moderate carb day; however, I want to eat just about everything I see. I’m not really craving any one thing in particular. Protein, carbs, sugar, fat…if I can put it in my mouth I want to eat it. While I managed to stop myself from going completely crazy, I did exceed my usual limits.
I am a little disappointed with myself, not because of exceeding my limits but because of the feeling of having no self-control. It’s a misleading feeling really, because I managed to hold onto a measure of self-control despite the desire to binge.
As I was driving to my training session this afternoon, I was thinking about why I might possibly be struggling with this today. My thoughts immediately went back to how I was struggling mentally with running last week. Well, I didn’t do very much running last week! In fact, I went 9 days without running, and my attitude towards running during those 9 days was abysmal. I hated running. I questioned why I was stupid enough to enter a marathon. I wished the marathon was over, so I could stop running, or at least cut back on running significantly. I felt unmotivated to go for a run. But then I did go for a run and my attitude magically changed! Dramatically. As I ran I remembered why I enjoyed it, even if I only run one marathon in my lifetime! I realized that the absence of running doesn’t make my heart grow fonder…it gives my mind opportunity to mess with my attitude.
Maybe, just maybe, my desire to binge today follows a similar thread. With last week’s unexpected change to my training schedule, my last training session was Wednesday. I know that’s only a 4-day gap, but I know I walked into the gym feeling a wee bit mentally sluggish. My attitude changed quickly once I began training though. Thank goodness! So perhaps there is something to my line of thinking? The bottom line is I need to be active regularly.