I have not been keeping up with my blog. Life is busy: work, baseball, and the daily grind. But busyness alone is not the reason for silence. Quite frankly, I am disgusted with myself, and that presents a slippery slope towards depression, where silence is most welcome and embraced.
As much as I know that my worth is not determined by a number on the scale, I am roughly 20 pounds heavier than I was at this time last year, and I am creeping towards a weight that I have not seen in 3 years. I have an armful of excuses, which are all hollow and weak. Last summer, I gained about ten pounds, because I felt stressed and I stopped following my plan. Then I had surgery and gained another ten pounds during the recovery process, because my physical activity was restricted and I ate with reckless abandon. Now I am working to increase my activity, but I have not been smart with my eating habits. Unless I make changes, the weight will continue to increase.
I am in a frustrating place, but I put myself in this position. I have made poor choices. Even when I regret the choice, I still go back and make the same mistake over and over again. It is stupid really, because I know better. I have the knowledge of what I need to do. I know what works, and I have seen it work. The self-sabotage has got to stop, and being honest about the struggle is a step in the right direction. That extra 20 pounds makes a big difference in so many ways and not in good ways.