The past few weeks have not been overly great. Life has been okay, but depression had wrapped its’ tentacles around me. There are likely several reasons for the depression and all of them valid. I have come to realize that, even though I no longer have my uterus, I am still susceptible to the moodiness of PMS. I returned to work a few weeks ago, after being off for nearly two months, and, while it was good to get back to work, the usual stress and frustrations pressed down and in on me. My activity level has been virtually non-existent since my surgery. And then, it is winter in the Okanagan, which means grey skies and more grey skies. All these things have left me with a bad case of the blues.
Despite my low mood, there has been an undercurrent of longing to do more, to be more. I want to get back to running. I want to make progress on my little projects and goals, but I am struggling just to accomplish what must be done each day. The feeling of failure only creates a vicious circle of building hope, crushing reality, and dashing defeat. Why can’t I get to where I want to be?
How timely then was God’s Word to me this afternoon!
Exodus 13:17-18 “When Pharoah finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, ‘If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’ So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle.”
God did not take His people to their destination by way of a shortcut. He knew that the people were not ready to face certain challenges that the shortcut would have presented, so He took them the roundabout way through the wilderness. The wilderness wasn’t a punishment; it was a proving ground. The wilderness presented the opportunity to grow in faith and obedience.
So, as I sit here wishing that there was some magical shortcut to becoming the person that God wants me to be, I am reminded that God is with me, He cares for me, and He is leading me along the best path. I just need to allow myself to be led.